My child leaves home

You tumbled into my heart
I fell hopelessly in love with you
from the first time I spied
your tiny eyes
Awe and terror
that something so precious
that smelled so pure
could be given into my care

I long to know that I have done good enough

I wanted so much to do it perfectly
to mother you as I was never mothered
give you the life I had always dreamed
But real life and my humanness got in the way
If I find fault, it is not criticism of you
but my own guilt at my own failings

That I could save you from the fire of your own life.
that my struggle could take away yours
and my suffering could protect you from pain

All I can do is admire you
admire you into your life
Rejoice in you, everything
Watch breath-taken as you create your world

Forgive me for my mistakes
Honour me for doing the best that I could
Share with me all the worlds you find
and come back to me
in the spaces between

JANE O’SHEA
from ‘Word Remedies - A Collection’